Things you should know Part I

There are some things you should know about life on earth. There used to be this stuff called common sense. Those days are gone. Apparently it was a finite resource, and the old timers used it all up so that us young'uns could live blissfully ignorant of... well pretty much anything we might consider bad, or... inconvenient, or... maybe just stuff that doesn't instantly provide us with happiness and joy right this damned second because we want it. I mean, clearly I deserve this. I am after all here. Right? I exist, therefore give me shit.

I smoke. I work downtown. Downtown is full of people. The more people you see, the more your chances of seeing someone worthless.

Smoking is a fair indicator that somewhere on my person I have cigarettes.

Having cigarettes makes me very popular.

"Can I get a smoke?" "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have an extra smoke would you?" "Can I bum a smoke?"

Yes. As a matter of fact I have several 'smokes'. Whole pocket full of them.

No you stupid lazy fuck, you can not have one.

Here's how this works. Pay attention it's time for Things You Should Know:

If you want things, anything, any kind of thing, in this case a cigarette, you should know that things generally cost money. If you want a thing than you had better be prepared to give someone money.

I know. You don't have any money. You should know that money comes from things. You can sell things, or you can do things. Sometimes you can make things, and sell them yourself, or make them for someone else, and they will sell them. Or, you can do things. Usually things that aren't a lot of fun. Things that no one else wants to do. Sometimes people have money, and they have things that need done that they don't want to do, or can't do, or need help doing. These people will give you money for doing these things. You can then take that money and go buy whatever damned things you think you want or need, like cigarettes.

Those of us in the know call this a JOB. Terrible. I know. It's just awful that you might have to put something into your existence in order to maintain it.

So no. I do not have an extra cigarette. You may not have one.

Do you see tar stained wings hanging off of my back?
Do you see a smoking magic wand made out of braided tobacco plants in my hand?
Do you see me here standing in a brown tu-tu with holes burned in it from careless habits?

No. No, and no.

I am not the cigarette fairy, here to deliver lung cancer to all of the good boys and girls.

Go get a damned job. Go earn some fucking money. Go spend it on your own god forsaken bad habits.